Tag Archives: funny

An argument to tear apart our family: Scenes from a household

Now let me begin by telling you that I titled this post in jest; the argument I’m about to describe is not really threatening to tear apart our family. What is so amusing though is how vehemently both sides are sticking to their point of view.  Here’s the story:

Our family was heading to dinner at a restaurant with Auntie T’s family, travelling in two separate cars. We pull into the restaurant parking lot, and after parking, one of my daughters asks, “Where did Auntie T park?”

You would think such an innocuous question would be easy enough to answer. You would be wrong. I refer you to this picture here:  I’ve marked where we parked in relation to where Auntie T parked. The question I ask you, dear reader, is “How do you describe where Auntie T parked in relation to your own car?”

I’ll give you a moment to ponder your answer.

My answer to my daughters query? “Two cars over.”

My husband’s answer? “One car over.”

We looked at each other like we each had two heads growing from our torso. How can two people who see eye-to-eye on practically every other thing in world describe this simple scenario so differently? (“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!“) We debated this point the rest of the evening, at least until T injured himself because he was preoccupied with the argument.

My daughters betrayed me and also described it as “one car over”.

We then polled family members and friends, to see if popular opinion would sway the other to see the light and come to the side of reason. To no avail. I realize now is there isn’t a standard agreed way to describe this situation. Or if there is, I never got that lesson. It continues to this day to rear it’s head as a topic of light-hearted contention today. We’ve agreed to disagree, and love each other regardless.

So, are you a one-car-over or two-cars-over kind of person? Inquiring minds want to know. =)

~Jen

 

Daddy has the Magic Touch

We were just starting our drive home from our regular Sunday dinner at grandma’s and grandpa’s house.

E1: “Do you think we’ll get stopped at Hood Road again this time?”

Our route home takes us through the intersection of Denison and Hood Road, and it feels like we get faced with a red light 95% of the times we pass through going west-bound. It is particularly frustrating because A)it is approximately 100 meters from another set of traffic lights at Warden; B) it always seems to turn red seconds after the lights at Warden turn green, giving you the initial false hopes that you can pass through; and C)stays red for an inordinate amount of time, especially considering at 9pm on Sundays there is zero traffic driving on Hood Road. I had made enough comments and complaints about it on our drives home that E1 and E2 both knew the location and to look for the light.

Denison_and_Hood_Road

This week was one of those odd occasions where T was driving. I pulled my neck a few days earlier and couldn’t really turn my head well, so we all agreed it was safest to have T drive.

Me: “Well, we can only wait and see when we get there. Daddy does seem to have better success at getting through Hood Road without getting a red light though. I always seem to get stopped.”

T: “Probably because you drive way more than I do.” I laughed.

E1: “Well Mommy, I remember on Thanksgiving you got a green light.”

Me: “True, but that’s like the only time I remember.”

E1: “Daddy must have the magic touch.”

T, chuckling: “People have been saying that about me for years.”

E2: “So why does Daddy still get stopped sometimes with the red light there?”

Me: “His magic for Hood Road must be depleted and I guess it takes a while before it gets replenished.”

T: “That’s called mana. My mana must be depleted each time I get through Hood Road without a red light. You guys know what mana is?”

E1: “Yeah! Like the magic in our Magic Quest wands. Before we got them activated again, it kept saying to us ‘Your wand’s mana has been depleted’ when we tried to use the wands at Great Wolf Lodge.”

E2: “What does ‘depleted’ mean?”

Me: “Depleted means used up, drained, finished.”

E1: “Ahh, I don’t talk about it right now, or else Daddy’s magic will go away!”

T: “That’s called, ‘Jinxing’ it.”

We drive along Denison and get stopped at the red light on Warden Ave behind several cars, one light away from the infamous light.

E1 cranes her head to check out the Hood Road light situation. “Oh no! The light is green! That means it’s probably going to turn red by the time we get there again!”

E2: “Oh no oh no oh no!”

The light at Warden turns green and we drive the 100 meters towards Hood Road. Amazingly, the light stays green.

Me: “Oh my gosh guys! We’re going to make it through Hood Road! The light is staying green!”

All in the car: “Yaaayy!”

E2: “Daddy really *does* have the magic touch!”

~Jen

Scene from a household: That time E2 got a hamster stuck on her head

I was trying to not laugh too hard in her face. This is one of those parenting moments where your child faces some sort of misfortune of their own doing that is as hilarious to you as it is embarrassing to them.

It was near the end of our bedtime routine. E2 had already finished brushing her teeth and was in their room. I left the bathroom and rounded the corner to the girls’ room, E1 hot on my heels.

Me: “E2, why do you have a hamster on your head?”
She turned and looked at me with wide eyes. Continue reading Scene from a household: That time E2 got a hamster stuck on her head

Scene from a household: If T was a dance costume designer

E1:”Guess what our dance costume is this year! ”

All across the dance-studio land, dancers and teachers are gearing up for the end-of-year recitals. The girls’ studio was no different.

T takes a pen and starts sketching on some paper. :”A hamburger! “ dance_costume_sketch_burger

E2: “Noooo! It is a circus theme!”

E1:”I’ll give you a hint. I’m an animal.”

T: “Hmm, ok, I got this.” He draws some more. “Are you a giant squid?”dance_costume_sketch_squid

E1: “That’s not a circus animal! Squid live in the oceans. Be serious Daddy.”

He sketches a new costume. “I know this is a circus animal, am I close?”dance_costume_sketch_dog

E1: “No! The animal I am is a big cat.”

T: “OK, I got this then!” He draws some more. “A big cat! And look, I gave you a nice fish accessory too.” dance_costume_sketch_catThe girls whine their protests about it not being right, all the while trying to suppress some giggles. I am outright Laughing Out Loud.

T: “Ooh, is your dance a jazz number? I add this top hat to the costume, that’s very jazzy.”

I mean, *that’s* entertainment. Who wouldn’t be entertained by a group of 12 dancers prancing around on stage in this getup?

~Jen

Jeneral finds of the week: 2015-02-08

Here are the good/interesting/provoking finds I’ve stumbled across this week: 2015-02-08

  • “Could we stop the anti-vaxxers if we said measles contains gluten?” Haha, Tabitha Southey hits a home run again. If logic, science and reason won’t work to convince anti-vaxxers, maybe sarcasm will?
  • Did you know that Ontario’s Ministry of Education’s curriculum on sexual education was last updated in 1998? Yes, from the early years of internet, before smartphones and social media. Two 13-year old girls are advocating for sex-ed reforms, and they are doing with with great maturity and articulation. The topic of consent is a large component of their suggestions. Just brilliant. I would hold them up as role models for my two girls.

~Jen

<–previous finds of the week

The Mystery of the Blue Hand: Scene from a household

It likely will be the enduring mystery of 2015 for the Toh family: The Mystery of the Blue Hand. Continue reading The Mystery of the Blue Hand: Scene from a household

Some things they don’t tell you about pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum

Inspired by a conversation I had with some fellow mommy friends on Saturday, I’ve decided to list some things they didn’t tell you about pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum in those pregnancy/baby books you read before having your first baby.

The size of your feet / hips can permanently change

Continue reading Some things they don’t tell you about pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum

The Christmas Miracle of 2008: The Return of Cartman

“Cartman” was an invaluable addition to our family when we lived in a condo back in 2008. We received Cartman from the previous owners of the condo. The story goes that they purchased him from a “Masters Choice” grocery store fire sale when it was being renovated, but we suspect a more nefarious origin. During our time in the condo, he bore the weight of many a grocery bag, IKEA box–any load that cannot be lifted by one person. He did this without complaint and with only the slightest of rattles and squeaks. He lived happily by our parking spot #48, next to the ventilation fan, always happy to greet us and our loads to bear.

Then, in November 2008, Cartman was taken from us by an unknown assailant. Continue reading The Christmas Miracle of 2008: The Return of Cartman

Furtive potato chip eating: Scenes from a household

Me: “You want to watch an episode of Castle together?”

T glances at the clock. The clock hands are pushing 11:30pm. He yawns. “No I’m beat. I can’t do it tonight. You go ahead and watch Elementary.”

Aside: Castle is the one TV show that we PVR and wait until we are both ready to watch together as a couple. It started as an affinity for Continue reading Furtive potato chip eating: Scenes from a household

Our method for delegating petty tasks: Scenes from a household

My beloved husband and I have a highly scientific method for determining who gets to do the unwanted petty task of the moment. These petty tasks have in the past included:

  • bathing the children
  • before we had a working dishwasher appliance, hand washing the dirty dishes
  • now that we do have an awesome dishwasher, hand washing the dirty dishes that don’t fit in the dishwasher
  • getting out of the comfortable, warm bed to trudge over to the light switch by the door to turn off the bedroom light before going to bed
  • getting out of the comfortable, warm bed on the Sunday morning to deal with the kids who’ve woken up and decided they now need attention
  • taking daughter to the potty and reading to her Dora (the Explorer)’s Nursery Time Adventure for the three hundredth time

What is this systematic and foolproof method, you ask?

Rock, Paper, Scissors“, naturally. We often limber up with some quick pre-showdown warm-up exercises, including shoulder rolls, warm-up jumps, hand dexterity exercises, and head rolls. We wouldn’t want to hinder our chances of victory by hampering our reflexes. Then when ready we square off and appraise each other cooly in the eye. Contestants’ hand is shown after the count of three. Rounds proceed until the first clear victor, no “best X out of Y” tournament.

For whatever reason we always seem to both choose Rock first. It almost seems like an amuse bouche round before we get to the real decision. Things do get heated though when more than one round goes by with us shooting the same hand. There was that epic showdown in late 2013 where we matched the same hand for 7 or 8 rounds. The tension and adrenaline just kept getting notched higher and higher with each passing round…until victory occurred, the tension was released, and the petty task of giving the kids a shower at grandma and grandpa’s house proceeded.

The funny thing is I don’t even remember who won that day. Perhaps I lost and that is why I’m suppressing that particular detail from memory. So that next time a petty task comes up I can face the challenge without the humiliating memory of defeat lingering in the background. :-p

But tonight…I think the girls can skip the bath tonight, right Honey?

~Jen